I haven’t lived in the community of Saugus, Massachusetts for many years. However, I grew up there and always remembered the absurd police reports I would read in the local newspaper. It is in some ways a nice town, but is also marred with its fair share of suburban corniness, which is perhaps unavoidable for one’s perspective of the town in which you were raised and spent twenty years of your life. Now that I am done with my Ph.D thesis I will be doing the crucial and important work of archiving the past few years of selections. Until then, here are the latest collection of delightfully weird local happenings.
Birthday Card Bozo — At 8:42 a.m. a Pearl Road caller reported her son was acting belligerent. Officers reported a verbal disagreement regarding birthday cards and peace was restored.
No dogs engaged in “Barking activity” — At 8:14 p.m. a caller reported several dogs barking in the area of Waterwheel Lane. The caller stated it was going on for three nights. Officers reported no dogs engaged in barking activity.
Baldy and Mullet Man Steal Nattie Ice – At 3:44 p.m. an employee at Boscy’s Liquors reported two males came into the store and walked out with two bottles of Natural Ice beer valued at $2 without paying for them. The suspects then proceeded on foot with two other males toward the Walnut Street Bridge. One suspect was bald and the other suspect had a mullet. Officers checked the area and were unable to locate the suspects.
Unwanted “Jerk” — At 5:25 p.m. an Essex Street caller reported her friend was acting like a jerk
Poo and Egg Toss — At 10:15 a.m. a Highland Avenue caller reported vandalism to her home. An officer reported eggs and dog feces were thrown at vehicles. The officer notified shifts to increase presence in the area.
The Dreaded “Larceny of Plastic” — At 2:20 p.m. a male reported the larceny of plastic on his motorcycle on Staaf Road.
Mysterious Woman with a Staring Problem — At 9:51 a.m. a caller reported a female dressed all in black was staring up at a tree on Route 1 South by the Main Street on ramp. An officer was unable to locate the party in question.
Larceny of Pink Cow — At 10 a.m. an Elmer Avenue caller reported items were stolen from his property overnight. An officer reported a 3-foot tall pink cow was removed from the property.
Green Laser Man — At 9:32 a.m. a Cliff Street caller reported someone in the neighborhood shining a green laser at him outside his house.
? — At 9:57 a.m. a detail officer received a report of a male with a towel wrapped around his head jumping in front of cars on Denver Street. Officers were unable to locate the male.
Strange and Nefarious things afoot at the Walnut Reservoir — At 6:59 p.m. a cell phone caller reported seeing two males entering the woods while he drove by the reservoir on Walnut Street. The caller was concerned the males might be trying to poison the water supply or up to other nefarious activities. An officer reported the males were fishing and were moved from the area.
Tobacco Toss — May 18th At 1:19 a.m. a 911 caller from Harrison Avenue reported a vehicle pulled up and someone threw what appeared to be a bottle of chewing tobacco on her lawn [this was worthy of a 911 call!].
Free Hot Tub — At 4:36 p.m. an officer reported someone dumped a hot tub in the area of Fairmount Avenue. The DPW was notified.
Classy Trashy – At 12:43 p.m. a Summit Avenue caller reported one of his neighbors was burning trash.
Invisible Youth Swearing at the Fish — June 16 At 3 p.m. a caller reported a large group of youths yelling profanities at the fish in the pond on Lake Dam Road. The caller felt it was unacceptable behavior. Officers reported an area search was negative for the youths.