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Looking through my theology readings folder on my computer for my notes on Gorman’s stuff on cruciformity and I come across a folder entitled “Omelets” with another folder inside entitled “How to Make Omelets” Inside, like a paranoid weirdo, back in 2012 I had “hidden” some word documents from N.T. Wright’s Paul and the Faithfulness of God which he had given us as part of a semester-long seminar at St. Andrews in which we in the postgrad community were responding to his chapters in advance as he was working on his final edit of the work before publication. I remember thinking that someone would somehow access my computer and steal the chapters and then an epic calamity would ensue. You would have thought I was guarding a bucket full of gold or something. Luckily, if the cyber thieves did come, they were fooled by my subterfuge and my very clever folder of deceit. That is, unless they were on a vicious quest for the ultimate breakfast. I shudder at the possibility.

I’m the same way with my own thesis, which is to say — illogically paranoid. The thesis is saved in all sorts of clouds and drives, but if I leave my computer out at night in the living room I have this idea that a burglar will steal the computer with my thesis on it. What a villain! The irrational scenario then usually moves to the stage where I imagine the burglar will turn on my computer only to be disappointed that my music is lousy (in his opinion), that my track pad doesn’t work and that you need a mouse to make it work (which he wouldn’t know, and so he’d be all like — “Dude, this thing is broken!”). Further, he’d be angry that I have “boring” stuff like all that “religious” stuff and things about Greek language and all that “dumb stuff.”

 

POPEYE-ARMS

Totally zany, man. Makes no sense. Well, maybe some sense when you work on a project for so long and it is mostly in digital formats. But, mostly no sense. In no way do most people in the history of ever care about my thesis. I will say this: when I do wake up at night really thinking that someone is in my place—which happens from time to time—my default is to revert to my primal, animal state, walking through the dark house doing a mix of a kind of “pseudo karate/Popeye the sailor man” revolving fists thing. “So you want to break into my house see? Wellll, you’ll have to get through me see! Now put up your dukes, see! That kind of thing. Really effective and intimidating, I would imagine.

Anyway, all of that to say, the thought occurs — Wouldn’t it be great to see a few works of practical theology or random weird videos made from the greats in biblical studies on these topics of omelets and such? So, a “How to Make Omelets” by N.T. Wright, or “Cruciform Driving” by Michael Gorman, and a “Theology of Sea Monkeys” by Jürgen Moltmann etc etc.

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