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Hear this word of wisdom and contemplation:
Some birds arrive early, and thus receive a worm, so the story goes. This raises at least two serious questions in my mind: (1) do the other ‘late’ birds (pelicans, gulls, ferocious hawks, demon vultures etc etc and what have you, it matters not) still receive a meal, or does their lateness result in no food at all, or a mere seed coupled with a scolding meant to instill patterns of punctuality in the flying creatures behavior regarding time management? Have scientists yet made a discovery on this?; and (2) if the same bird arrives early every time, will this particular bird be forced to eat the worm, or might that punctual pigeon forgo that entree selection entirely in favor of another, perhaps more vegetarian option? The mystery remains it seems. As far as I can tell neither Jesus nor any more contemporary gurus such as scientists Al Gore and Pat Robertson, the guy who wrote the movie Howard the Duck, nor any reputable dentist or paleontologist, nor any operator of cranes and various machinaries speaks to this condundrum, nor any expert on popcorn or yarn, nor Mr. T or Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, nor famous basketball star Larry Bird (who considering his last name, must be consulted on the matter), nor any elderly men with beards (whether typically punctual or more often tardy) named either Montgomery, Cornelius or Rufus, nor any old ladies named Gertrude, Betsy, Phyllis or Penelope who have any wisdom in the area, which is utterly surprising. I’ve also found that this saying is not true as it relates to humans either. I’ve arrived early several times for events of various sorts, and I’ve never once been given a worm to eat, nor even a solitary pretzel, or slice of garlic as a result of my timely arrival.


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