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The upper crust and sophisticated may want to drink champagne, eat caviar, and listen to elevator music forever, but I’d much rather have an actual conversation with Mr. Ed while listening to 90’s alt rock such as Nirvana and the Pixies, while swinging around on ropes in a forest with Ewoks.

1 Samuel 28:7 “And his servants said to him, Behold, there is a medium at En-dor.” — Note: Endor is the place where Ewoks live, as everyone knows, according to Return of the Jedi and other such proof.

We Christians believe that the ultimate point of all things is an entire renewed physical creation, not just a floaty spiritual disembodied heaven. We also believe, like many other faiths, in the omnipotence (all-powerful nature) of God. And, for many years I have been saying that if God is indeed all powerful, he could do all sorts of absurd things in the eschaton, the New Creation, the renewed and redeemed world…including creating fictional characters from literature as actual living beings alongside humans and other animals. I am particularly hopeful that God will create real Ewoks in the New Creation.

Ewoks are eco-friendly, as can be seen from their simple lifestyle which consists of dwelling in really cool tree forts in the middle of an awesome forest. This would make them a welcome addition to the New Creation. I am also pretty certain that if they knew what recycling was, they would do it. They seem extremely “green” and have excellent spears, which, even though they wouldn’t need them in the non-violent perfection of the world, would make fascinating artifacts. The spears would also be fun to hurl off of the tree forts, providing no-one is immediately below the ruckus. There are also all sorts of rope swings and neat bridges which connect all the houses where they live in outer space on the forest moon of Endor. I am an advocate for rope swings in the future of forever in general, but particularly so if they involve Ewoks and other forest dwelling friends. It’s scriptural too, just look at 1 Samuel 28:16, in which the Ewok’s forest moon Endor is listed as a place where a Medium lives, “And his servants said to him, “Behold, there is a medium at En-dor.”

Yes, they worshiped the golden C3P0, but can you really blame them? If anything, this just shows their inclination to all things spiritual and transcendent. Plus, C3P0 is very shiny, its an easy mistake to make, and it could be argued that they actually thought he was a golden robot intergalactic Jesus. Who knows, perhaps God will create C3P0 in the New Creation too. He’d be much less of an anxiety-ridden drag once he knew that the dark side of the force was not a threat anymore. He could then do all kinds of mathematics, schematics, robot stuff, without any fear.

In seminary I heard many professors, and I’ve read many theologians say something to this effect: “In the renewed creation all the best music, and art from earth etc will be retained to be enjoyed forever. Bach, Mozart, Donatello etc etc.” This always struck me as odd. Classical music forever? May it never be so! It was always classical music, and other upper class expressions of art that “sophisticated” folk could enjoy that these theologians suggested as the art which would make it for forever. One question sir, what about the Ewoks? Can I get an Amen? What about a sanctified Grinch who previously stole Christmas? What about a non-destructive Stay Puffed Marshmellow Man, Puff the Magic Dragon, Pacifist Transformers, and that massive flying dog from the Never-ending Story?

The upper crust and sophisticated may want to drink champagne, eat caviar, and listen to elevator music forever, but I’d much rather have an actual conversation with Mr. Ed while listening to 90’s alt rock such as Nirvana and the Pixies, and swinging around on ropes in a forest with Ewoks. I’d rather hang out with Tom Petty, my wife Tara, a wookie, and a Darth Vader sans respiratory illness but still with that really cool helmet.

I’d rather eternity be absurd than sophisticated.

—John

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