*Originally compiled in 2012. Carefully selected from hundreds of police reports from Saugus Massachusetts.

“Stop Filming Me with your Thermometer!”— “At 4:29 p.m. a Hawkes Street caller reported a neighbor was possibly videotaping him and his family. An officer reported the device in the window was a thermometer, not a camera.”

Wicked Pissah — “At 4:13 p.m. a woman reported she observed a man wearing a sweater over his shoulders urinating on a tree on Clifton Avenue [This is the street I grew up on!].”

Butt Exposure at Stop & Shop — “At 7:50 p.m. a male reported a white male in his 20s exposed his butt to him and his wife in the Stop & Shop parking lot.”

Turkey on Lincoln — “At 7:39 a.m. a caller reported a turkey in the area of Lincoln Avenue and Stone Street and he was concerned for the safety of children walking to school.”

Insincere Shoe Lace Situation — “At 7:06 p.m. a caller reported several youths running into traffic in Saugus Center and pretending to tie their shoes.”

Larceny of Detergent — “the manager of Walgreens reported the larceny of detergent.”

Bandana Blue & The Walnut Wanker — “Police reported receiving a call for an old male with a blue bandana exposing himself on Walnut Street”

Seagull Surprise — “At 7:53 a.m. a Homeland Circle caller reported the sound of gunshots in the area. Officers reported the sounds were coming from an echo machine to scare seagulls away.”

Normal Adolescent Girl Chastised for Hating School and Parents — “At 7:55 a.m. a caller reported her 13-year-old daughter refused to get into the car to go to school on Springdale Avenue. An officer reported the child got into the car.”

Stop! Taser Time — “At 4:28 p.m. a caller reported a road rage incident at the Square One Mall and a male showed her a Taser and said “how would you like me to do this to you” and left the area.”

Sandwich Soap Opera — “At 2:42 p.m. a caller reported a male causing a disturbance at Petsmart. Officers reported it was an argument over a tuna sandwich ”

Somethin’s Sloppy on Howard — “At 9:48 a.m. a caller reported someone threw a sloppy Joe at his vehicle on Howard Street.”

Diligent Stoner – “At 7:20 p.m. an officer checked on a man who was staggering on a Cliftondale Square sidewalk. He stated he lost his marijuana and was retracing his steps looking for it.”

Dirty Sheet Sniff — “At 3:51 p.m. an employee at Massage Envy on Broadway reported seeing a man smelling the dirty sheets behind the building.”

Holy Rollers Raising Hell – “At 8:31 p.m. a caller reported she believed she heard people screaming on Ballard Street. An officer reported a church group purchased the property and was holding a prayer group.”

Garbage Necklace Caper —  “At 12:14 p.m. a woman reported she ordered a necklace through eBay and paid for it via Paypal. When she received her product in the mail she opened the package to find trash and a dead flower.”


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